On my mother's instructions, as quietly as possble, I entered the house. "Mummy who is it who has come?" Mom told me that some one from father's office has come to meet Papa. Then, she told me to sit in the last room.
My eldest sister was helping mother in the kitchen and serving to the guest. My brother as usual following the footsteps of Papa was telling Mom to get this and that. He was the mediator of the day between father and mother. As usual, my second and third elder twin sisters were playing cards in the next room to living room.
Surprisingly, mom didn't tell me to do any work in the kitchen today. No cooking, no cleaning and no serving. Being habitual to do all these jobs everytime a guest arrived, today I was feeling at odds.
I just moved into the room where my elder sisters were sitting that my mom caught me and told me not to go into the living room. As a new born baby, curiosity was travelling in every nerve of my mind. Who is this person? Why I cannot go in? Why my siblings are allowed then? All these questions started bothering my tiny miny mind.
The fact that my parents never loved me the way they loved my sisters and my brother (especially) never left my mind and heart. I knew that they were not happy with me, and probably they never wanted me as well. I was as unwanted in their and my siblings lives as a rotten fruit in the kitchen. But, I being myself could not even think of giving up, I have always been trying to make my own space in their lives. I was determined as a mountain standing strong and sound, to make them fall in love with me.
My eldest sister was helping mother in the kitchen and serving to the guest. My brother as usual following the footsteps of Papa was telling Mom to get this and that. He was the mediator of the day between father and mother. As usual, my second and third elder twin sisters were playing cards in the next room to living room.
Surprisingly, mom didn't tell me to do any work in the kitchen today. No cooking, no cleaning and no serving. Being habitual to do all these jobs everytime a guest arrived, today I was feeling at odds.
I just moved into the room where my elder sisters were sitting that my mom caught me and told me not to go into the living room. As a new born baby, curiosity was travelling in every nerve of my mind. Who is this person? Why I cannot go in? Why my siblings are allowed then? All these questions started bothering my tiny miny mind.
The fact that my parents never loved me the way they loved my sisters and my brother (especially) never left my mind and heart. I knew that they were not happy with me, and probably they never wanted me as well. I was as unwanted in their and my siblings lives as a rotten fruit in the kitchen. But, I being myself could not even think of giving up, I have always been trying to make my own space in their lives. I was determined as a mountain standing strong and sound, to make them fall in love with me.
As all these thoughts kept coming, I could hear our guest praising my brother and sisters as they have been so helpful to mom throughtout. Our guest rather I should Papa's guest wanted to know how many brothers and sisters we were and showed an interest in meeting us.
Shockingly, my father gave a count of four children in the house. I was partly sure that he had mistakenly said that but my doubt got confirmed when the four children were invited in the living room and introduced to the guest.
The situation in front of me was uncomprehendable and so shocking that I was spellbound.
I felt like crying but could not find any tears to shed. Wanted to rage and shout but had no one to throw my anger out on.
I started praying to GOD again and talked to him silently, " Atleast you accept me. Please call me back to yourself. Oh! I forgot, you also never wanted me that is why you have sent me here. How could I forget that no body has never wanted me including you."
My eyes were wet but no tear touched my cheek as i dared not talk to my so called familyabout it.
That day denial of my exisyence by own family gave me the stringest identity ever - an unwanted DAUGHTER.
My mind was being stormed by so many questions as I was trying to figure it out as why it happened? Was it because I am their fifth child? I am their fourth girl child? Are they ashamed of having me in their lives? I am not worth loving? or the fact that I am their ffifth child and fourth girl while they wanted that to be a boy?
On realising what probably I was going through, my eldest sister ( the sweetest to me in the house) gave her shoulder to me to rest my head on, on which I could finally shed some of my tears and a little part of my sorrow.
5 comments:
A very touching account that is bound to leave any pair of eyes welled with tears and questions echoing in the psyche. If this is fiction, the author has done a marvelous job at inventing such a heart-rending account so vividly as if she has lived it all..
I request you to keep writing and touching our heart with discerning issues.
wow Bhanu..its amazin..i wish 2 no more abt dis little girl now which is a compliment as u made d character's impact so deep n strong...nice piece of work..think of going beyond..loved it..kudos
Welldone Bhanu,you seems to be involved in your character so well that it is difficult for the readers to differentiate between the fact and the fiction...Keep writing
well written, though more concerned about the fact that this is a reality around. difficult to believe how we can do this, but we (society) are doing this every day and so many other unbelievable things, whether the mother using her child for begging, the strong the weak, etc -its endless! in such a world you wonder how /why you are and what can /should you do? really!..
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